Monday, January 30, 2012

Someone Please Explain the Male Brain to Me

Disclaimer #1: I love my husband and I think he's awesome.

Disclaimer #2: Above mentioned awesome husband has read and approved the following post.

Disclaimer #3: This is a true story.

Yesterday afternoon, when we got home from church I wandered into the bedroom to change clothes. And I noticed something amiss. There were two pairs of socks on the floor. Not my socks. Major Dad's socks. On the floor. Three inches from the laundry hamper. Three. Inches.

(Disclaimer #4: Major Dad maintains they were six inches from the hamper).

As I stood there staring at the socks that were sitting THREE inches from the laundry hamper, Major Dad walked casually into the room. And this is how our conversation went:

Me: "Seriously? You can't put the socks IN the hamper?"

Major Dad: (Grabs one pair of socks and dumps them in the hamper while leaving the other pair on the floor). "There you go."

Me: (Staring dumbfounded at the pair still sitting on the floor THREE inches from the hamper.) "What about those socks?"

Major Dad: "They're not dirty."

Me: "Then why are they on the floor?"

Major Dad: "Because I wore them."

Me: "So put them in the hamper."

Major Dad: "But they're mostly clean."

Me: "Mostly clean? What does that mean?"

Major Dad: "It means I'm going to wear them tomorrow."

Me: "Then put them AWAY."

Major Dad: "I can't put them away, they're slightly dirty."

Me: "Then put them in the hamper and take them out tomorrow when you want to put them on."

Major Dad: "But if I put them in the hamper they'll be dirty."

Me: "What kind of ridiculous man-logic is that?"

Major Dad: (He didn't say anything here because he was too busy laughing at his own male-ness.)

Me: "So you're just going to leave them on the floor."

Major Dad: "Yes."

Me: "Really?"

Major Dad: "Yes. They're mostly clean."

Disclaimer #5: See exhibit A

Yes, the socks are still sitting there. Because I have no idea how to counter the mostly-clean classification system. Which I'm pretty sure is related to the smell-it-then-wear-it-system. All I know is that if I toss them in the hamper, it will apparently shift the entire clean:dirty ratio on some molecular level that will render the socks completely unwearable.

And he thinks I'm weird.


  1. Okay, its official. I am officially addicted to this blog. I nearly had heart failure laughing as I read this. I'm crying for Pete's sake. Did I mention that I REALLY LOVE you guys?

    1. Thank you so much, Betsy!! But heart failure is not allowed. I don't know how I'd explain that. :)

  2. OMG!!! that is hilarious......I think you are correct Michelle....3 too funny. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Thank you, Joyce! Definitely three inches. :)

  3. My 16 year old son (1) agrees with you that they are 3 inches from the hamper, but (2)sides with MD that these socks are in their precisely correct allotted location given current scurviness. Also, we think you're funny. :D

  4. Considering that MD and my Hubby were roommates in the Army, I am now starting to question who learned this thought process from whom, as your post could have easily changed MD for my DH and it would have been exactly the same story. Could this be the result of some obscure training they received in boot camp? Somehow they both have the same thought process, on this subject of quasi-diry clothes,which my DH has had for more than 18 years now. Maybe it just truly is the male brain, if so, I feel sorry for whomever my son marries.

    1. Too funny, Terri! I'd like to blame boot camp, but apparently this strange male phenomenon appears everywhere. Must be way down deep in the genes. :)